Lost Within
by Darth Luffy
Summary: Clarke and Murphy have a conversation the morning after their first night in Sanctum


**Author's Note: **Somehow I uploaded the wrong story earlier. The right one is up now, so enjoy. Please leave a review. I like those.

**Lost Within**

Stepping out onto the balcony of the room she had been given Clarke looked out across Sanctum, the citadel still mostly hidden by the lack of light. Idly she wondered if that name referred to the moon itself, or to the citadel they were currently guests in. She hadn't gotten clarification either way. There were a lot of things she hadn't gotten clarification on yet.

"Nice to see I'm not the only one that couldn't stay asleep." A voice from below said, Clarke rolling her eyes as she looked over the edge of the balcony, seeing Murphy on the walkway a short distance below. "Bet the reason is different though."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Clarke muttered, Murphy raising an eyebrow at her. He hadn't been expecting an honest answer.

"Nightmares too then?" Murphy asked with a grin before turning and walking up to the wall below the balcony. Grabbing hold of the latticing he pulled himself up, climbing the decorative wall up to where Clarke was.

"Murphy!" Clarke hissed, glaring at the man. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Nice choice of phrase," Murphy said under his breath, pulling himself over the balcony. Sitting on the ledge he gave Clarke his trademark cocky smirk, "Just curious to see what could have the great Commander of Death up so early."

Checking behind her to make sure Madi was still fast asleep, Clarke stepped up to the railing of the balcony, leaning against it a few feet away from Murphy. "A nightmare," she replied, deciding to stick with honesty. Her and Murphy were never the best of friends but they could usually be honest with each other.

"Huh, about Madi I take it?" Murphy asked, Clarke hesitating for a moment before nodding. "No surprise there. Me on the other hand, I kept ending up back in hell."

Not responding right away Clarke looked out over the railing again, the slowly rising sun bringing light to the citadel. It really was beautiful, the town spiraling around the mountain working in concert with the layout of the fields to create a beautiful design she hadn't been able to see from ground level.

"I doubt there is a hell," Clarke answered finally, Murphy looking over to her. "But if there is, at least I'll know there'll be a friendly face there."

Snorting out a laugh at that Murphy shook his head, "I don't know about friendly but familiar wouldn't be bad." Leaning back against where the railing joined the wall, he shook his head. "You know your mom said she didn't believe hell existed either. Then she contradicted herself and said that we'd be judged on our intentions, not what we did."

"Intentions only matter to the one who lives. I doubt those I've killed will be so forgiving." Clarke said, keeping her eyes on the town below. Now that the first of the suns was starting to rise she could see people moving about, getting ready to start a new day. It seemed that the farmers were the first up, groups of people heading out to the fields surrounding the mountain.

"That doesn't bother you?" Murphy asked, watching Clarke carefully to see her response. There were a lot of accounts of what hell was like but the one that'd stuck with him had always been the version where killer's victims were able to take revenge. Spending the rest of eternity being tormented by all those he'd killed wasn't something he was looking forward too.

Turning back to face him Clarke shook her head, "I've killed so many people. Women, children, innocents, people who had helped me. Whatever I have coming to me, I deserve." Unlike her mom she didn't try to pretend that her intentions made what she'd done any different. She'd had years to learn to accept herself, and had accepted that she was monster. Her daughter was the one that deserved better, she was simply here to ensure she got it.

"They actually asked me during dinner how many people I've killed. I couldn't give them an answer, because I honestly don't know. It's far more than Diyoza though and they didn't hesitate exiling her." Clarke continued, put voice to some of the thoughts she'd had. She had read the file on Diyoza, the woman had killed several hundred people but even if her lowest estimate of her own kills was correct, she'd killed at least twice as many.

"Yeah well, good thing you saved that chick then. Otherwise we'd all be out on our ass." Murphy said glibly shaking his head at that. He still couldn't believe that Jordan had managed to get a girl on his first day meeting her. Noticing the way Clarke shifted uncomfortably at what he said, he asked another question "Wait a second, did you go after her intending for that to happen?"

"Not solely. But I assumed they'd be more likely to help us if we helped them first." Clarke said bluntly, shrugging as she did. She had originally gone after the girl just because it was instinct but it hadn't taken her long to realize how it could be to their advantage. "There might be another reason they're letting us stay though."

"And what would that be?" Murphy asked, giving Clarke an odd look. What other reason could they have? Granted he hadn't been paying that much attention to their hosts. Due to first being unconscious, then locked in a bar, and a little drunk.

Raising her hand Clarke showed him the bandage on it, "They got a lot more friendly once they saw the color of my blood." Seeing more movement out on the grounds she turned her attention back down below, watching the guards change shifts as the second sun crested over the horizon.

"Huh, well that's something I guess." Murphy said, thinking over it for himself. He had to admit there was something off about this place. It was almost too perfect. "So you don't trust them."

"No, not yet. But we need them to learn how to survive here." Clarke said, keeping her focus on the activity below.

"Which is why you're tracking the guards rotations." Murphy realized, having noticed where Clarke's attention was focused. Where the guards were stationed, when they switched shifts, how many, she was taking it all in.

"Yes. And it's why I'd like you to do something as well." Clarke responded, giving him a slight smile as she turned back to him.

"Oh? And what's that princess?" Murphy asked unable to keep the smirk of his face as Clarke rolled her eyes at the old nickname.

"Simple. Be a cockroach." Clarke said, smiling as she turned it back on Murphy. "You're good at surviving, so figure out how to here."

"Oh, I would've done that even without your permission." Murphy said, moving to get off the balcony. "But nice to be appreciated I guess."

Swinging his legs over the railing he lowered himself as far as he could, before dropping the final few feet to the walkway below. Giving her a little wave, he turned to walk away, stopping to say one last thing. "And be sure to keep that kid of yours safe. I actually like her."

"I will," Clarke confirmed. That was the one thing she would be certain to do. At dinner they'd asked if she'd be willing to do what she'd done at Mt. Weather again. And the answer was no, she would never let herself do such a thing again. With one exception, because if for some reason it was the only way to save Madi, then she would show them just why she'd been called Wanheda.


End file.
